Friday, October 9, 2009

The Water of Wisdom

  The Water of Wisdom-
  Finding within an existent family room for one more feels like an exercise of the heart: surely it is stretching the heart muscle and opening up the capillaries of love that allows for a better fit. So, too, there is physical space to be found , diameters , perameters, all-meters to be discussed and re-formed.
And then there is the person, who until recently ate sugar cereals, put ketchup on everything that didn't get out of her way, had a tv in her room and played video games there , too, to her heart's content. Whose life was filled with the minutia of younger siblings, the uproar and chaos of function/dysfunction, whose life was filled WITH HER LIFE. and now that life is being dismantled.
  No matter how loving the gesture , "I'll help you sort this out , SweetPea, you don't have to put your mom's room away alone if you don't want to", or "How about lunch?" It  is not the same life. Not only is mom gone but all the rhythm of the ordinary is gone or going... what or where is the storm anchor? I thought it would be me.Watching her face crumple as she hesitatingly laid before me her fear of a life that did not include sugar cereals, individual tvs and video games , sensing the metaphors of greater losses has left me wondering about this process.
  I am questioning each of  my answers , no longer so sure I know what is right. Deeply questioning many of the tenents I have raised my older 3 children with and am raising  the youngest with now. How to bring her in and allow her healing to include us in her healthy new life..Late nights, very early mornings . and long baths. Three in last 4 days.I am searching and leaving open for the wisdom needed to to guide us both .

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