Is This Life Sweet Enough

Is this Life Sweet Enough?- When we allow ourselves to find value and definition in flat bellies and trim thighs we gain something...a footlocker as heavy as any seaman carried on his shoulder boarding ship. We store in there any hope we might have of carefree delight in crisp crunchy french fries savory with salt or gobbling brownie sundaes as we did as children: the whipped cream piled to heaven and chocolate fudge sauce smeared on our cheeks in greedy delight. In there  too, are seconds. Seconds on Raisin Brand cereal not because you are hungry but because finding the raisins stuck together on the flakes is a sweet secret joy. Seconds on hot buttered toast with cinnamon sugar. Seconds on your beloved's barbecued ribs that make you weak in the knees and swear you'll do the dishes for a week if they'll do them again this weekend.Seconds on the amazing pastries at the exquisite shop you and your friends found by accident dodging rain drops in Portland that summer weekend. Seconds on mashed potatoes with butter and gravy.Seconds on Girl Scouts classic Thin Mints. Seconds on......
Which is not to say we do not "indulge ", that we do not "give in ", that we do "fall off the wagon", that we do not use a whole host of language designed to perpetuate the heavy load of that locker.
For the past week I have been eating dessert , sometimes twice a day.Sometimes two at one go.Vanessa 's insight into all of this is that her mom, Lucinda ,was a baker,  and I am missing her sweetness in my life. I am keeping company with myself as I explore my footlocker which seems to hold an inordinate amount of longing for seconds..and unfinished firsts.My life is just too big for me to have a flat stomach right now.. maybe ever again.